NOTE: As with most Internet polls, this poll is not balanced against a weighted sample. There is no statistical accuracy relating to any specific demographic of poll takers. Anyone can take this poll and the Northender collects no data about the respondents.
We’ve all heard it: “you’re so difficult to buy for.” This is usually followed by the opening of a box to reveal a tie, a pair of slippers, a new bathrobe – take your pick. It’s not that we don’t appreciate ties, but we find ourselves thinking “how difficult is it really to get me something I actually want?” After all, we’ve left all the usual hints, subtle hints like “hey, you know I would really love that new Norelco waterproof electric razor for Christmas.” So as the gift-buying deadline approaches, gents, let’s all hope that the women in our lives have not read Maureen Dowd’s new book, and have decided that men really are necessary. And perhaps this necessity will lead our mothers (and wives) to greater invention. To be fair, I could fill countless volumes on the thoughtlessness of men when buying gifts for women, but that seems so overdone. I’ve started to formulate a few theories about this fundamental difference between the sexes when it comes to gift giving. The most prominent of these is that those fundamental differences between the genders are not limited to deep and important concepts like relationship commitment, they also affect smaller interactions such as gift-giving. Women are moved by romantic gifts, not practical gifts or gadgets of any kind. Men are moved by gadgets – toys – and we naturally (and oh so wrongly) impute our idea of a great gift to our mates as well. If you’ve ever made the relationship-ending mistake of buying your gal an iron or a vacuum cleaner, you’ll know what I mean. Not that ironing and vacuuming are female-only chores anymore. In fact, if your man does more of the vacuuming, you may want to consider a Dyson as a gift. Things that don’t lose suction often attract men. Men are usually very practical, when it comes to gifts we would like. We want things that we need, can benefit from, and that help improve our efficiency. Anything that can assist us while we simultaneously brush our teeth, shave and comb our hair should be near the top of the list. But gifts don’t necessarily have to be masculine in the traditional sense. If your man likes to cook, consider that four-piece crock pot set – the one made from a material originally developed for NASA – and now used by all the best chefs of Europe. Men like this. We associate with NASA. It immediately brings to mind large fuel filled rocket-ships that engender that fundamental distinction referenced above. And if rocket technology in the form of cookery isn’t his thing, how about a video game? He may have been reared on Atari, but the little boy inside your man distinctly remembers fantasizing about better quality games – the kind we have today. There’s nothing like a PC- or PS2-edition of Call of Duty: The Big Red One to keep him up all night in a war-like trance. Consider a pair of headphones as an adjunct gift, to keep the bomb-rattling carnage from the rest of the house. I’m not personally a big fan of golf but there is a good likelihood your man is. Think about getting him TaylorMade's new r7 Quad HT driver for his set. At about $600 this is less than that Louis Vuitton handbag you subtly hinted at over dinner last month. If your man is decidedly not into “toys” and deems himself a sophisticate, don’t believe him — he still secretly yearns for gadgets. For the man who thinks spending time and money on that stereo receiver / CD-player that looks like a World War II military radio is just too undignified, making a gift of one will secretly titillate his fancy. And men like titillation, even those stuffy country-clubbers, though the stodgy set may be less able to show their appreciation. So even if his gift-opening expression is limited to the lifting of one side of his mouth followed by a long guttural sound you’ll know you’ve hit his soft spot. You’ll probably want to stand clear of the big ticket items like tractors, lawn mowers or snow blowers. A good rule of thumb is that anything with a gas-powered engine is probably something he should get on his own. Think of it like this: would you want him picking out your dress for that black-tie affair next month? Exactly. And there’s also nothing wrong with consumables. This is especially popular with the baby boomers and beyond. A nice bottle of single malt scotch can bring long-lasting warmth to your hubby in those winter months. And if your man does drink, a good bottle of bordeaux or cabernet sauvignon may be too fleeting. Something longer-lasting, like a bottle of Grey Goose, may get more miles (though not if your three children are all attending college on the “Dad scholarship fund” next year.) So if you think “toys” you’ll generally be in good shape. Of course, if your man is the type who goes out shopping for the family and comes back with more gifts for himself than for anyone else, then maybe that brand new tie is all he should expect.
